we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You left your phone here
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