And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
