I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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