I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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