i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
