OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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