Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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