i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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