I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
