Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
