Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
