I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
