Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
