this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
