After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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