Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize