I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
