i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
