I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
