Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
