remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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