Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
