You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
