Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
