I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
