The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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