my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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