She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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