like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
