I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
