I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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