rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
