I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize