I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
