ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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