dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
