My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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