all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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