You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
