she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize