I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
