I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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