My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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