fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
