she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
