i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
