The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
