Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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