I smell stomach acid.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize