if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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