Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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