Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
