Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think my moral compass just broke
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