also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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