The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
