I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
