I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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