Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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