i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
