Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
