My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
