you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
