You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she told me i tasted like america
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
