Will you blow on my dice?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
