you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
