What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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