He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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