That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
