____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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