i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
