i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
