is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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