I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
