I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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