RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
